THE BODY

This body in front of the full-length mirror

Color in sallow

Shape in sagging

The bluish-grey bra straps are

Stuck

In the skin

Leaving deep-red sunken marks

But you remember, the past is like smoke

Did not leave a trace

The curves

Spreading from under the armpits to the sides of the bra

The ups and downs of the curves

Are the accumulated fat

Can't be carried by this narrow and small bra

Are the sin and beauty

Laughs and cries

You've swallowed for all these years

Down the earlobes

Across your gentle neck

Wandering on your shoulders that are still flat

You feel a little more confident

As if your youth is still there

But further down, it’s your arms

Slightly clamping

There's an excess layer of waxy

Flesh

That you're unfamiliar with

It's your lost rivers and mountains

Leaving only a mess and emptiness

Click, you untie your bra

Jumps out in the mirror: a pair of breasts

A pair of breasts

A pair of soldiers who are about to retire

Middle-aged and getting fat

Embarrassingly looking at each other

They are two cloudy pupils: open

Look around

Now, you turn your body

Facing the full-length mirror sideways

You see: a rising belly

Your eighteen-year-old never returns

You look to: the growing belly

Like it's preparing for, a baby who has not yet arrived

You hate this too-early preparation

You feel like a piece of

Gift in a buy one get one free bundle

You are confused

You are still confused about many things

This year you are going to be thirty

The legs getting bigger under the belly

Has stricken your fear

Fortunately for the moment

They are tightly wrapped in

A pair of jeans

There's still a safe distance

Between you

You just bare your upper body

Like this

The upper body

What on earth is the relationship

Between the upper body, and the lower body?

You just bare yourself like this

Looking in the full-length mirror

You look at me

Tremble your lips

Made no sound

by Xi Nan

About the Author: Xi Nan (西楠), born in China, writes and translates, indie publisher, author of different genres. Some works of hers are published in English. Her translation work of ten poems (originally authored by Fish Lu in Chinese) was nominated by Terror House Magazine for the 2020 American Pushcart literary prize. She graduated from London School of Economics and Political Science, now lives in Hangzhou and London.

Her Twitter : @XiNan_WhaleStu

Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/xinan.writes/